By Andra Cruceanu, Counselor in Logotherapy / Facilitator of Family Systemic Constellations
"Don't look for success - the more you look for it, and the more you make success a goal, the further you get away from it. Because success, like happiness, cannot be sought; success is a consequence, an unintended side effect, of dedication to a cause more significant than the person or of self-denial in relation to another person. Happiness is perfectly valid for success: to allow it to happen, you must not care about it. I ask you to listen to your conscience and do your best to fulfill what it tells you. Then you will find that in the long run – I said long term! – success will follow you precisely because you have forgotten about it. " Victor Frankl - Man in the search for the meaning of life.
Logotherapy represents the effort of searching for the meaning of life for each of us, which becomes the primary motivation of life. It is an approach that confronts us and reorients us simultaneously towards the purpose of our lives. "Meaning is unique and specific in that it can and must be fulfilled by the person to whom it belongs because only then does it acquire enough meaning to satisfy the person's will for purpose." In logotherapy, the essence of human existence is responsibility, which means that man chooses for what, to what, or to whom he understands it is essential to be responsible. It is also up to us to interpret whether what we have to do or "life's tasks," as they are called in logotherapy, represents a responsibility towards society or our conscience.
We can discover meaning in three ways:
1. By creating an activity or doing a good deed;
2. By experiencing something (goodness, truth, beauty, etc.) or meeting a person (by experiencing the experience of knowing another human being in his uniqueness – through love);
3. By the attitude we approach in the face of inevitable suffering.
In my journey, I have completed four necessary pieces of training that have helped me heal, transform and perceive Life as the most beautiful gift I have received. Coaching with NLP (I changed many limiting beliefs into beliefs that serve me), the Family Systemic Constellations Method or emotion therapy (I healed the relationship with the family of origin, especially with my mother), Nirvana Yoga -Train the Trainer (daily practice brings me a lot of peace soul and mental clarity); and now logotherapy training, an experience that somehow crowns everything I've learned, integrated and healed so far. A training through which I learned to connect with my Life in a way that I have not experienced before. A method of being in the here and now by the simple fact that Life happens. It's like I'm developing a relationship with her. I see what he "tells me" through what he "brings me" or who he "brings me" through the experiences I live. I notice how I detach myself from what is because I know that everything is just an experience and all that matters is:
- the attitude I choose to look at what is;
- who I am after that experience;
- how my life is changing because I lived that experience;
- how exactly does my reaction to what happens to impact the people around me (this is where the responsibility of my choices comes into play)? It's like by now, I've healed, understood, and now it's time to live. To look Life in the face. To see what exactly he wants from me. What does it tell me? What it is about here and now. How can I make it meaningful or take meaning from what it is? How being able to choose became my number one strength. How exactly is the fact that Life has its natural course, and until now, I have been trying to control this course with the thought that "I know better," but I realized that it is not essential to learn but instead to let myself feel because life is lived not is thinking?
Logotherapy is essentially about:
- Life has meaning in all circumstances, even the most unfortunate;
- The primary motivation to live is our desire to identify the meaning of life;
- We have the freedom to identify meaning in what we do and live and how we choose to relate to a situation involving suffering.
"What we needed was a change in our attitude towards life. ….it didn't really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. For that, it was necessary to stop looking for meaning in life but to perceive ourselves as people who are questioned by life day by day, hour by hour. Our answer was not about talking and meditating but about right action and conduct. After all, life is about identifying the correct answer to the problems it raises and fulfilling the tasks with which it challenges our existence."
From the perspective of the quote above, I offer you a question to ask yourself both in moments of joy/happiness/contentment. Still, especially in moments of confusion/sadness/helplessness, you can ask yourself: "if my life could talk to me, what would it say it wants from me?" And last but not least, let's remember "How beautiful the world could be" and that each of us can contribute to it every day by what we do, what we choose, and how we live our lives.